Economic Models – 2007 Cow Version

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market
it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy…

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

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20 thoughts on “Economic Models – 2007 Cow Version

  1. Great post! Funny yet a very accurate display of each. I still think I like the CAPITALISM one the best, for now. lol

    Stev: Good ol’ CAPITALISM eh 😉

    Do hope you meant the other one & not the Enron type though

  2. Good lord! This one sends me into giggles. You ar, Stev. Where did you get this? Highly educational. You did all your fellow cows justice…
    I can so relate to AMERICAN CORPORATION. Many others are good too. ‘Cowkimon’. Nice…

    Stev: Beware them evil cowkimons…

  3. FOOD MANIAC
    I have 2 cows.
    I cut them both and serve as steaks for a candlelight dinner with my bf.
    *evil grins*

    Stev: That’s a lotta cow… 😉

  4. Great post. Very funny. Australia sounds like a fun place to do business.

    Stev: Sounds good to me too. Let’s go grab a couple of beers!

  5. That’s great. Funny, true, frightening. I’ll be sharing this one!

    Happy BYB Sunday.

    Stev: Humor is often anchored in reality 😉

  6. Hey… you should go local with Malaysian and with the neighbour singaporeans especially with their kiasuism.

    Stev: Maybe one day. Only problem is in insulting Singaporeans since a lot of them have no bloody sense of humor at all! (oops. did I just insult them…)

  7. This may not be BYB, but it sure was funny!

    There are my faves, and they are both from Texas.

    ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
    credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
    debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
    four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
    Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
    sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
    one more.
    You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
    you with nine cows.
    No balance sheet provided with the release.
    The public then buys your bull.

    THE ANDERSEN MODEL
    You have two cows.
    You shred them.

    Stev: *chuckles* Enron’s a pretty accurate hit while the Anderson model rings straight and true

  8. Hey I had this once and created a Malaysian version… I wonder where it went to..

    Stev: Let us know if you find the Malaysian one to share =)

  9. I laughed out loud at ‘AN AMERICAN CORPORATION’… and continued giggling thru the entire post! interesting post 🙂

    Stev: … keeps the doc away… 😉

  10. Very funny. Laughed a lot. Can’t live without laughter. Don’t need to.
    I have met a million people and learned something and keep learning..I have seen Capitalism and communism and dreams at work..
    Cheers,
    Be well and enjoy. Carpe Diem.
    Val

  11. @val: *chuckles* very laugh-worthy indeed
    although should have included a disclaimer that I did not actually write-this & do not have the source. hmmm.
    glad that you’re continuously learning there =)

  12. I do believe that your website post is worthy of response! Moo-Cheese Grassy-ias for sharing!

    In Moo,

    The Cow Goddess

    PS I would like it better if your Google Ad wasn’t cowhide leather rugs….

  13. Pingback: US Politics Online

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