Life Partners

Had an interesting conversation with an old childhood friend whom I had not seen in quite a length of time as he was out of the country completing his studies & applying for PR abroad as well. He was actually back on leave to plan for his wedding to his longtime sweetheart, and while we chatted, the topic of life partners came up as well…

Apples on a Tree
Like many things in life, we have many choices – including looking for your partner or soulmate to share life with. The saying goes that there are many fish in the sea, flowers in the garden & apples on a tree. So how does one know who is the right person for you & me? Some believe in soulmates – the one & only. While the more pragmatic ones say that the DNA of life allows for many more permutations of people we can be with who fit us glove to hand. Still as most wiser ones would tell you – do take your time to see the world & see more people before making a conscious choice of your life partner.

Howdy Partner!
Unlike the gung-ho anything goes “Hey Partner!” in western serials, choosing a life partner is anything but. What does a partner mean to us? Is it someone to share our life’s trials & tribulations, joys & sorrows with? How does one make a choice of who is going to be the significant person in our lives? Do we make a list with all the criteria we look for? How do we know how much or how little we can accept of someone’s cute flaws that may possibly loom ominous once the proverbial yoke is placed on our back (the wedding ring in other words). Do we & should we at some point settle for less?

Forever & Ever
The union of man & woman is supposed to be for eternal bound. Yet what is the sanctity of marriage in today’s world? Does not tying the knot formally mean that a couple is any less together? And even for those who do get married formally, isn’t ending apart in divorce merely a few (stacks) of paper (and counseling) away? Does staying together & knowing each others flaws prove to strengthen the relationship, or is it merely an excuse to get together for wild raunchy pre-marital sex? How long is forever?

In-Laws & Miscellaneous
By my books, the person I end up with would be the person most important in my life, and I would expect vice-versa. But many of us have many other priorities in life – be it our parents, family, god-mother, career, wealth or friends that we place in much higher priority. Is it possible for things to work out if both have different priorities, despite the said willingness to compromise? How about the factor of mother-in-laws

Growing Old Together
Yet with all that said and all the cold water sloshing around, life partners remain a blessing indeed. To have someone to love, to cherish & to share our life with is one of the best gifts in life itself. To grow old, wrinkled & out of shape, yet share many many wonderful things together – why maybe we’ve found our heaven on earth after all.

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11 thoughts on “Life Partners

  1. I luv u :”>

    Stev: I luv the intelligent comments left by my long-time friends on my blog ^_^

  2. I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, & we have to accept the consequence of every deed, word & thought throughout our lifetime.

    Stev: true…

    …especially if we end up making a girl pregnant accidentally 😛

    (note: dont bash the blog author! XD)

  3. Ours is a generation different from those gone by. We want everything and we want it immediately. We don’t want to work for or at anything. Unfortunately, that attitude has carried over to relationships. We want what we see when things are seemingly aren’t right. We don’t spend the time to fix what might be wrong. Thats why there’s more divorce and less meaning to commitments. Having a lifelong partner these days is rare, but trlya blessing.

    Stev: Hi Ed. Thanks for the thoughts 🙂

    Yes we do live in the era of the instaspeed in everything from instant cup noodles to sadly as you said it… relationships fixed up with band-aids. Perhaps we need more of a movement to really slow down & smell the coffee?

  4. Stev,
    A friend said to me the other day that he think people marry out of a need for an assurance that something will last forever–a fairytale, by his account–because we like things neat, orderly. While I think there’s truth in that, I’m not so cynical. I think we want and need to love and be loved for the sake of it. The idea of partnership denotes equality; to care for the other as much as for the self means a personal interest in making it work. If we don’t know what we’re about, making ourselves as happy as the other is a doomed proposition.

    Thanks for a thought-provoker.

    Stev: Mmm. Equality indeed is something which I truly believe in yet I find many believe that quite often one side loves the other more. (Actually both views are inaccurate – as can love actually be quantifiable? ;))

    “a personal interest in making it work” – I’ll keep that line in heart.

  5. Stev, what a thoughtful post. I thought I had found my soul mate, three different times in my younger years. I was destroyed when I discovered they were not.

    I had totally given up on men completely when I met Michael. He had problems: Viet Nam vet, disabled, drank too much, kept a messy house, did not have any money, had a child from hell, etc. After 14 years, I realized he loved me more than anyone ever thought about loving me.

    We married in 2003, when I was 50 and he was 56. We have struggled with two households, two teenagers, two sets of debt . . . at times I thought, “What am I doing?” However, I had said “forever” and meant it.

    Now, that the kids are gone, the 2nd house sold and the debts being settled, I realize that marrying Michael was the smartest thing I have ever done in my life. We may not have a lifetime together, but we will have a good time for however long we live.

    Look for the one who loves you so much it is embarrassing. One that will not quit complimenting you and loving you. One that makes you feel like you are a queen. That is the one you should settle with.

    Stev: Forever. Simple yet so profound like many simple things are. Good advice in your last line as well that.

  6. wah…wassup with the deep thoughts? are you considering a life partner? Need any super mushroomy help? 😉

    Stev: Mmm? Just thoughts floating as usual. How about you? Thought about marrying your mushroom boy/man? 😛

  7. Hmmm… The question of a life partner is a very interesting one, specially in today’s day and time. Before, I say anything else, I will say that I am quite orthodox in my beliefs. There is a line in one hindi movie that goes, ” You live once, you die once and you love only once”

    True Love, if it exists, is once in a lifetime thing. The experience of it changes you forever and if, unfortunately, it doesn’t come through, then you can not love anyone else with the same passion as you did the first time. A part of you begins to expect that this might not last and you hold back, etc. etc.

    I have a very interesting story about this from my own life that, if time permits, I will share with you and others some day.

    Stev: A very good Hindi movie line that is! Passion in loving. What causes us to hold back? Looking forward to your story one day =)

  8. hmmm… can we expect a wedding invitation card from you soon? *grin*

    Stev: *chuckles* not for quite a while yet I expect

  9. your entries are “chim” as usual.lolx. Why the sudden interest in life partners and marriages? 😀

    in indo,ppl are still pretty much old-fashioned.they marry for convenience,political/business reasons, but mostly judge on wealth,sadly. Its extremely hard to find true love when prenups are being offered before you can actually propose to the girl.

    i’m still a rather old-fashioned girl at heart.i am taught since young that divorce is not an option and is a big taboo in my family.i’m also taught that wealth/basic needs (food,roof,money) is more important that love.

    so,basically very extremely few of my family/relatives marry for love,mostly out of convenience.

    used to have a checklist for “potentials” but found out tt it’s useless.lolx.and i do believe true love is once in a lifetime.it’s a pity that the younger generation today can choose to give up true love for other unimportant things. (i was one of those idiots) lolx.

    you can always find other jobs, earn more money or even have different friends, but that one true love will come only once in a lifetime. once you miss it, it wont knock on your door anymore.

    of coz u muz be smart enough to recognize tt true love when u see it.haha most ppl missed it n regret afterwards,and tts not a way to live 😀

    Stev: Why did you find your checklist useless? And how come only one true love per individual per lifetime?

    Still agreed though that live a life not of regrets. Why this post? Just thoughts floating by I guess at the spur of the moment as usual. (Not so chim~la. Me very simple nia :P)

  10. well coz technically, lets say A is someone u love super deeply and you missed the chance to be with her, when you meet B in the future, you wont feel towards B what you felt towards A. it just wont be the same. and most probably, not as strong as it, unless it has been through trials like me and jack’s 😀

    very few people actually have 2 true loves in a lifetime. that’s why true love = love of your life.. 🙂

    Stev: Hmm. Comparatives of how much we love a person to another.

    That may be quite true as well. Luckily I avoid (run away?) from this quandary by not comparing apples to apples nor oranges to oranges

    Can not the next person be someone you love more deeply than the first?

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